Recently, Tom and I went to a conference, where we spent two full days setting goals for the 7 F's of life; faith, family, field, finance, fitness, friends, and fun.
During the goal setting exercise for family, one of the presenters told his painful story of divorce, and made this bold statement,
If you are married, let that sink in for a minute.
If you aren't working on your marriage, by default, you are working on your divorce.
Yikes! That was a punch in the stomach.
Tom and I are both divorced. And, the statistics for second marriages are pretty grim. The odds are already stacked against us.
Truth be told, I've been complacent in working on our marriage this past year. Meanwhile, Tom is reading marriage book after marriage book.
Since Tom and I spend most of our waking and working hours together, I thought we were good. Actually, one of the things we are both most proud of, is our commitment to our marriage.
Being committed to our relationship and working on it are two different things though.
So, after some discussion, we set a goal of one date night a week without the use of cell phones, with the exception of taking pictures.
I once remarked, “every night is date night when you are empty-nesters.”
However, it's not really, if we are at a movie or dinner, or whatever, and we are both replying to emails, taking phone calls, and working at the same time.
We blocked out Tuesday evenings as our date night with Thursday being backup in case of an emergency.
We welcome your accountability.
Living in the city, with 200+ restaurants within walking distance, we go out to eat a lot. For date night though, we are making a rule that a reservation has to made ahead of time.
Date nights are intentional and must be planned.
Since we set this goal we are 4 for 4.
One night had to be moved from Tuesday to Thursday because we had an epic fight. Ironic, huh?!
Here is a recap of our date nights thus far. For accountability purposes we'll continue to share them with you all.
Date Night #1
Cheesecake Factory for dinner and a acupressure foot massage. One of the first places we went on a date was CF, which is why we choose this restaurant. It brings back good memories. It's not walking distance so we had to be intentional and drive there. We ate the cheesecake with our eyes. Well, I did anyways. Tom had sugar-free cheesecake. I had a Cosmopolitan (from the Skinny Menu) for my dessert.
Date Night #2
It was a beautiful fall night, so we walked to a restaurant we had yet to try called Ling & Louie's. We shared an appetizer, Shrimp Summer Rolls and two entrees, Beef & Broccoli and Pad Thai (the restaurant was so dark and pics did not look very appetizing). Then, came home and watched a movie — Stonehearst Asylum. It was okay.
Date Night #3
This was the date that was moved from Tuesday to Thursday. We went to Bar La Grassa in Minneapolis. It was raining, so we drove. Our local food co-op has the most amazing gluten-free desserts, we drove there after dinner and sat in the car in the rain to enjoy (I chronicled this on Instagram stories). On the way home, Tom drove by the Foshay Tower. He called ahead and had them light it up in purple for me. Just kidding.
Date Night #4
This date started late-afternoon. We went and had facials at the Ivy Spa. And instead of going out to eat, we ordered in from French Meadow Bakery and watched last week's episode of How To Get Away With Murder. Bunless burger with french fries for her and the Zen Salad (very fitting after a facial) with chicken for him.
Are you working on your marriage or your divorce? Are you committed to date nights? Weekly? Monthly? What is your best marriage tip or words of advice?
